Interesting take/inversion! I think you have zeroed in on the loss of emotion that makes us less human. I wonder if there are other aspects we consider to be human that we're giving up or shedding unintentionally, like the ability to linger for longer on leisure (accidental alliteration!). I like that you flipped the script a bit.
Thanks, Krista. This might be slightly off to the side, but what you wrote made me think of it. Did I tell you I was in an Apple store and on impulse let a salesperson demo Apple Vision Pro? It was an uncanny experience, so real that you connect emotionally at times to what/who you're seeing. Who knows where this is going, but it would be real easy to see some poor schlub staying at home so that the beautiful singer looks deep into his eyes as she's all but crawling onto his lap, instead of reaching a point of authentic loneliness that forces him out into the world where he might stumble into a connection with a less perfect and idealized partner, but one made of flesh and spirit. It was frighteningly seductive, and scary. You should try it and see.
Exceptionally well written and I agree so much with your core points. I just reenforced that to myself again yesterday. Being present = being happy. “Instead of feeling connection, you’re actually grieving.”
And in your words “There’s no such thing as both tapping at your phone and being able to listen to a person. The person is the one who is slighted in this scenario.”
I am going to use this article as another reminder to myself to prioritize. It will make my life richer as I focus on what truly matters.
I’m at a conference now called “Learning and the Brain”, for K-12 educators from all over the US and Canada (and some from overseas).
One of the themes is AI as a tool in classrooms, its positives and dangers.
But what is also clear is how critical it is to just teach/help students learn to connect to each other as humans, without tech.
I’m a bit of an asshole when it comes to cell phone distractions during IRL interactions. I’ll stop talking, or mostly gently ask friends or colleagues to put their phones down. Surprise is often the response, not that I’d asked, but that they were so lost.
All I want to do with people is connect. It’s in my marrow. And it’s harder than ever.
Oh, yes to the flipped script! And also to this very descriptive and clear eyed definition of ambiguous loss. Honestly, I’m not sure I ever understood it as well as I have reading this post. So thank you. I understood, and have known, anticipatory loss, with my mom when she was in the year close to her death, but ambiguous loss is even more prevalent and lingering. I realize that is what I feel when friendships disintegrate and yet the person is right there, checking out at the grocery store ahead of me. It’s an ache, and a strange almost embarrassing grief. Love you and your wordsmithery.
Interesting take/inversion! I think you have zeroed in on the loss of emotion that makes us less human. I wonder if there are other aspects we consider to be human that we're giving up or shedding unintentionally, like the ability to linger for longer on leisure (accidental alliteration!). I like that you flipped the script a bit.
Thanks, Krista. This might be slightly off to the side, but what you wrote made me think of it. Did I tell you I was in an Apple store and on impulse let a salesperson demo Apple Vision Pro? It was an uncanny experience, so real that you connect emotionally at times to what/who you're seeing. Who knows where this is going, but it would be real easy to see some poor schlub staying at home so that the beautiful singer looks deep into his eyes as she's all but crawling onto his lap, instead of reaching a point of authentic loneliness that forces him out into the world where he might stumble into a connection with a less perfect and idealized partner, but one made of flesh and spirit. It was frighteningly seductive, and scary. You should try it and see.
P.S. And yes, men are really in trouble.
Exceptionally well written and I agree so much with your core points. I just reenforced that to myself again yesterday. Being present = being happy. “Instead of feeling connection, you’re actually grieving.”
And in your words “There’s no such thing as both tapping at your phone and being able to listen to a person. The person is the one who is slighted in this scenario.”
I am going to use this article as another reminder to myself to prioritize. It will make my life richer as I focus on what truly matters.
Holy crap, Krista. [/articulate].
I’m at a conference now called “Learning and the Brain”, for K-12 educators from all over the US and Canada (and some from overseas).
One of the themes is AI as a tool in classrooms, its positives and dangers.
But what is also clear is how critical it is to just teach/help students learn to connect to each other as humans, without tech.
I’m a bit of an asshole when it comes to cell phone distractions during IRL interactions. I’ll stop talking, or mostly gently ask friends or colleagues to put their phones down. Surprise is often the response, not that I’d asked, but that they were so lost.
All I want to do with people is connect. It’s in my marrow. And it’s harder than ever.
I REALLY felt this one, KM.
Oh, yes to the flipped script! And also to this very descriptive and clear eyed definition of ambiguous loss. Honestly, I’m not sure I ever understood it as well as I have reading this post. So thank you. I understood, and have known, anticipatory loss, with my mom when she was in the year close to her death, but ambiguous loss is even more prevalent and lingering. I realize that is what I feel when friendships disintegrate and yet the person is right there, checking out at the grocery store ahead of me. It’s an ache, and a strange almost embarrassing grief. Love you and your wordsmithery.