But I must confess that when I first saw the title I immediately thought of my marriage to Dave. After all, he was quite a character - albeit a live, human one lol.
What this brought to mind, is what I think real relationships are supposed to do, and that is challenge us to change, which is another way of saying, grow. Whether the relationship is in the end "successful," (and what does that even mean, because in the end, even under a Jimmy and Rosalynn, scenario, one partner still leaves), or it's a much shorter term deal. I mean, how many people cycle through the almost exact same abusive partner in a different package over and over until they finally change enough to break the pattern (or sometimes die, which is another way of breaking a pattern, I suppose). All I know is my most significant relationships all challenged me immensely, including the one with my little green parrot I loved so much. Now looking back they all appear like major plot points in the arc of my life . At the end of each of these - and like I said above, all relationships end (even if in the woo-woo sphere, where I often hang out, they continue in a different way) - I was a different person. The pain, the grief, the stress, was all a part of a type of ongoing birth, as was the joy. It seems to me that removing the conflict, the needs of another actual being that may bang up uncomfortably against yours (as is what these artificial relationships are designed to do) removes the possibility of growth, takes you off the road of travel (and birth). And yes I think this risks retreating into "a weird hole they can’t emerge from." It looks to me like madness on one end of the spectrum, and on the other, an abnegation of one's life path and its possibilities.
CHANGE - yes. Thank you for articulating all that. I think you're exactly right. Without conflict there is no change. Without change, no real hope/growth in a real relationship. (And coming home to find out your Sig Other's software no longer updates does not count.) What a world!
"Aren’t we all lost in a plastic dream. How many of us marry a character of some sort—attached to the idea of someone/something to save us, an elsewhere, the fantasy of love, forever restless, trading up, never present, addicted to escape and projection, filling voids with bad habits, the pursuit of perfection. What are you shopping for on Black Friday? How far do we go before the network error?"
This is writing that blows your hair back. What an incredible paragraph. It reads like a DeLillo character's monologue.
"While they claim they find happiness, aren’t they just further retreating in a weird hole they can’t emerge from? "
I really, truly don't know the answer to this. I think it depends on the individual.
We're all so different from one another, and in the same way that an extrovert might assume that anyone who isn't like them is somehow unhealthy, I am extremely cautious to put that sort of label on any of these folks. If they want a relationship with their imagination, who am I to judge?
I honestly believe there will be folks who don't kill themselves because of nonhuman companionship, and surely many others will live better lives... but it's gonna seem all sorts of weird to us.
I like how you put that - relationship with their imagination. It’s good to get some balance/acceptance in response to my knee jerk alarmism to such things. And I don’t mean to judge. I was just thinking while driving that the movie Lars treats this is as a fine thing as long you recover from it and re-emerge, a phase. Not sure these dudes marrying these characters plan to ever “divorce.” But maybe in the way you think of it, it’s a little like marrying yourself first!
I love the honesty, and I also appreciate seeing the knee-jerk in real time. That is legit, and it invites me in to have a conversation from a different point of view. This approach works well for us because we trust one another's intentions, I think, so I'm all for it!
I need to share more of my initial reactions to things, too. Sometimes I don't share that with the reader enough.
Anyway, back to your central thesis: this is a very complex arena of thought! I'm glad you are thinking and talking about it. I bet we see things in a few years we can't even imagine today.
Just got around to this. A good read Krista!
But I must confess that when I first saw the title I immediately thought of my marriage to Dave. After all, he was quite a character - albeit a live, human one lol.
He was! you can interpret and apply however you like ;)
What this brought to mind, is what I think real relationships are supposed to do, and that is challenge us to change, which is another way of saying, grow. Whether the relationship is in the end "successful," (and what does that even mean, because in the end, even under a Jimmy and Rosalynn, scenario, one partner still leaves), or it's a much shorter term deal. I mean, how many people cycle through the almost exact same abusive partner in a different package over and over until they finally change enough to break the pattern (or sometimes die, which is another way of breaking a pattern, I suppose). All I know is my most significant relationships all challenged me immensely, including the one with my little green parrot I loved so much. Now looking back they all appear like major plot points in the arc of my life . At the end of each of these - and like I said above, all relationships end (even if in the woo-woo sphere, where I often hang out, they continue in a different way) - I was a different person. The pain, the grief, the stress, was all a part of a type of ongoing birth, as was the joy. It seems to me that removing the conflict, the needs of another actual being that may bang up uncomfortably against yours (as is what these artificial relationships are designed to do) removes the possibility of growth, takes you off the road of travel (and birth). And yes I think this risks retreating into "a weird hole they can’t emerge from." It looks to me like madness on one end of the spectrum, and on the other, an abnegation of one's life path and its possibilities.
CHANGE - yes. Thank you for articulating all that. I think you're exactly right. Without conflict there is no change. Without change, no real hope/growth in a real relationship. (And coming home to find out your Sig Other's software no longer updates does not count.) What a world!
Maybe sapiosexual... Or at least intelligence is incredibly important for me in a partner.
agree, I just feel so weird putting that on a app as my sexuality ;)
Could just say cis heterosexual :)
"Aren’t we all lost in a plastic dream. How many of us marry a character of some sort—attached to the idea of someone/something to save us, an elsewhere, the fantasy of love, forever restless, trading up, never present, addicted to escape and projection, filling voids with bad habits, the pursuit of perfection. What are you shopping for on Black Friday? How far do we go before the network error?"
This is writing that blows your hair back. What an incredible paragraph. It reads like a DeLillo character's monologue.
This is a beautifully written paragraph.
Oh I like the idea that I'm blowing hair back, thank you so much!
I have a little bit of a "hot take" on this:
"While they claim they find happiness, aren’t they just further retreating in a weird hole they can’t emerge from? "
I really, truly don't know the answer to this. I think it depends on the individual.
We're all so different from one another, and in the same way that an extrovert might assume that anyone who isn't like them is somehow unhealthy, I am extremely cautious to put that sort of label on any of these folks. If they want a relationship with their imagination, who am I to judge?
I honestly believe there will be folks who don't kill themselves because of nonhuman companionship, and surely many others will live better lives... but it's gonna seem all sorts of weird to us.
Thanks for a thought-provoking piece today!
I like how you put that - relationship with their imagination. It’s good to get some balance/acceptance in response to my knee jerk alarmism to such things. And I don’t mean to judge. I was just thinking while driving that the movie Lars treats this is as a fine thing as long you recover from it and re-emerge, a phase. Not sure these dudes marrying these characters plan to ever “divorce.” But maybe in the way you think of it, it’s a little like marrying yourself first!
I love the honesty, and I also appreciate seeing the knee-jerk in real time. That is legit, and it invites me in to have a conversation from a different point of view. This approach works well for us because we trust one another's intentions, I think, so I'm all for it!
I need to share more of my initial reactions to things, too. Sometimes I don't share that with the reader enough.
Anyway, back to your central thesis: this is a very complex arena of thought! I'm glad you are thinking and talking about it. I bet we see things in a few years we can't even imagine today.