I've noticed the awkward silences that everyone wants to fill in quickly, and I've learned to let the other person fill the void nearly all the time. I kind of like a little awkward silence now. It feels... real?
This is a really wonderful--and I think important--post. Thank you for writing it.
Also, I, too, attended a Harris concert on her recent tour! (Boston area) The guy on the far left in your video is my uncle. I really liked the way you described her voice here. I noticed that it was much harder to understand her lyrics at this particular show, so I do think age is in play, but she's still so great to...well, listen to.
Thank you for a lovely read, this stood out to me: "I imagine instead a true leader as one who does not need so much to use their own voice to fill every space. The most important part of any campaign should be the listening tour." This will stay with me for a long time. I also added The Lost Art of Listening, Writing Down the Bones, and You're not listening to my to-read list. I'll share when I pick one up. This piece was so fruitful, thank you for your generosity in resources and thought. Listening is a skill I truly want to get better in. Be well.
Wow. What a beautiful piece. I do think we are all struggling to know how to have conversations these days and part of that struggle is because folks don’t know how to really listen. I find that I often become a silent listener. Sometimes really listening but sometimes just appearing as though I’m listening until I can gracefully bow out. I am looking forward to reading the concise digest of the lost art of listening that you shared. As a therapist, I’m sure I’ll learn how to be even better for my clients and in turn teach them the power of listening as well.
One of my most important works right now is that I am trying to become a better listener. I think I have a tendency to talk too much. I feel at times bursting with ideas, with excitement about possibility, but I know that, plus being a "bit" of an extrovert, can sometimes not leave space for others. I want to do better at being quiet and present for those I speak with, and listen to, most importantly, carefully and presently.
I do often catch myself especially doing "Responding with a story that your story reminds me of." Ouch. I have, thank Dog, lost the need to give advice, fixes, solutions, unless actually asked to do so.
With the people I'm closest to, I know there's a conversational rhythm that's long-standing, so there tends to be more intuitive responding, but I want that to grow into every conversation I have.
Thanks for this. Just lovely and thought-provoking.
It just hit me John Cage's very theoretical 4′33″ kind of connects to this discussion. The one where in a formal concert the pianist sits at the piano and covers the keys for each of the individual three movements (38 secs, 1.36 mins, 4.26 mins). I've heard a critique of it that the first time you hear it it's really eye-opening (or ear-opening, as you're so aware of the sounds around you), but much less interesting on successive listenings. It'd be a whole other discussion about the "music" of it, and also the validity around who's playing it. I mean, if I can "not-sing" the same as Emmy Lou, does that make me as good of a non-singer as she is? Should I feel pride in this (I don't think so). Why is it more interesting to hear her not-sing as me not-sing? At a certain point it starts getting silly. I frankly wouldn't pay to hear her not-sing. Here's a link to a performance of 4'33". https://www.google.com/search?client=safari&rls=en&q=4%E2%80%B233%E2%80%B2%E2%80%B2+by+john+cage&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8#fpstate=ive&vld=cid:cee8ef8b,vid:JTEFKFiXSx4,st:0
I loved everything about this - active listening is an art and I love the way you illustrate it's importance and impact. The first grade teacher at my school is trying to get her students to partake in "full body listening." It's just so important - I read your piece earlier this morning and it's been with me all day. So grateful for your work!
I've noticed the awkward silences that everyone wants to fill in quickly, and I've learned to let the other person fill the void nearly all the time. I kind of like a little awkward silence now. It feels... real?
Love this and I never knew either that Silent and Listen are anagrams! How perfect. Someone should tell that to our teenagers 😂
This is a really wonderful--and I think important--post. Thank you for writing it.
Also, I, too, attended a Harris concert on her recent tour! (Boston area) The guy on the far left in your video is my uncle. I really liked the way you described her voice here. I noticed that it was much harder to understand her lyrics at this particular show, so I do think age is in play, but she's still so great to...well, listen to.
Thank you for a lovely read, this stood out to me: "I imagine instead a true leader as one who does not need so much to use their own voice to fill every space. The most important part of any campaign should be the listening tour." This will stay with me for a long time. I also added The Lost Art of Listening, Writing Down the Bones, and You're not listening to my to-read list. I'll share when I pick one up. This piece was so fruitful, thank you for your generosity in resources and thought. Listening is a skill I truly want to get better in. Be well.
Wow. What a beautiful piece. I do think we are all struggling to know how to have conversations these days and part of that struggle is because folks don’t know how to really listen. I find that I often become a silent listener. Sometimes really listening but sometimes just appearing as though I’m listening until I can gracefully bow out. I am looking forward to reading the concise digest of the lost art of listening that you shared. As a therapist, I’m sure I’ll learn how to be even better for my clients and in turn teach them the power of listening as well.
One of my most important works right now is that I am trying to become a better listener. I think I have a tendency to talk too much. I feel at times bursting with ideas, with excitement about possibility, but I know that, plus being a "bit" of an extrovert, can sometimes not leave space for others. I want to do better at being quiet and present for those I speak with, and listen to, most importantly, carefully and presently.
I do often catch myself especially doing "Responding with a story that your story reminds me of." Ouch. I have, thank Dog, lost the need to give advice, fixes, solutions, unless actually asked to do so.
With the people I'm closest to, I know there's a conversational rhythm that's long-standing, so there tends to be more intuitive responding, but I want that to grow into every conversation I have.
Thanks for this. Just lovely and thought-provoking.
It just hit me John Cage's very theoretical 4′33″ kind of connects to this discussion. The one where in a formal concert the pianist sits at the piano and covers the keys for each of the individual three movements (38 secs, 1.36 mins, 4.26 mins). I've heard a critique of it that the first time you hear it it's really eye-opening (or ear-opening, as you're so aware of the sounds around you), but much less interesting on successive listenings. It'd be a whole other discussion about the "music" of it, and also the validity around who's playing it. I mean, if I can "not-sing" the same as Emmy Lou, does that make me as good of a non-singer as she is? Should I feel pride in this (I don't think so). Why is it more interesting to hear her not-sing as me not-sing? At a certain point it starts getting silly. I frankly wouldn't pay to hear her not-sing. Here's a link to a performance of 4'33". https://www.google.com/search?client=safari&rls=en&q=4%E2%80%B233%E2%80%B2%E2%80%B2+by+john+cage&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8#fpstate=ive&vld=cid:cee8ef8b,vid:JTEFKFiXSx4,st:0
P.S. Love me some Emmy Lou.
I loved everything about this - active listening is an art and I love the way you illustrate it's importance and impact. The first grade teacher at my school is trying to get her students to partake in "full body listening." It's just so important - I read your piece earlier this morning and it's been with me all day. So grateful for your work!