I hate ghosting, of all kinds, so much. Also, what is it about having your feet (at minimum) under covers that keeps you safe? I can be totally covered up everywhere else but if my feet are exposed I'm certain dark forces can get me if they so wish.
I am one of those few that saw Ghosted ;). And I really resonated with this sentence “so the few civilized people still left standing can resume playing nicely by the rules of polite society”. Ghosting, icing, love bombing, gaslighting .. I can’t say how much these behaviors dishearten me at times as I think about the current state of our society. I always closed out things even after one date. It is a matter of respect and integrity to me. There are good people out there. I found one and I hope you will as well.
P.S. Esther Perel and anxious attachment style. You would fit right in at our house. We talk about Esther and attachment styles and impacts on relationships all the time.
Oh that is fascinating and I’m inspired since you guys are obviously such a good fit. I’m so curious how that works - she hired matchmaker but how does matchmaker found you?
I had always used dating services because I didn’t have the time for all the stuff/BS that goes along with using the apps. I had a lot of success with Its Just Lunch. I had also used the matchmaker in the past so she knew who I was. When Kristi got tired of all hassles, poor matches, transitory relationships of the app world, she “threw her intentions” to the world as she puts it to look for a serious relationship and a life partner by hiring the same matchmaker that I had used previoulsy. Coincidentally, I had reached out to the matchmaker about a week or two before. We met on the day the world changed as I put it - March 12, when all of us were getting notice to work from home at the beginning of Covid.
From the very beginning it was a deep relationship expedited by the fact that we couldn’t do anything but go on long walks and really get to know each other without all the normal distractions of life. Very early on, I told Kristi about my experience dating that many women my age were very cautious and always had one foot out of the circle looking to bolt. I understood that completely because so many of the women I knew and had dated all had similar stories of disappointment with their relationships and the behaviors of them men they dated.
Nonetheless, I was never deterred. I knew exactly what I wanted and so did Krisiti. Very early on in our relationship on a hike, I drew an imaginary circle around us, took her hands and told her that I needed her hand o have both feet in the circle or it wouldn’t work out. She thought I meant right then - perhaps a month or two into our relationship - but I meant at the appropriate time. She told me later that she gulped a little and decided to go all in. The rest is history.
Ahhh so well explained and I loved the Esther Perel video. I hadn’t heard of those other terms. None of them are good, but it makes sense that they exist in this day and age of rapid fire intimacy and the ability to control it with a few words, or, no words at all. I’m sorry you went through this, but I love and admire your open heart. Just keep your glasses on for those early pesky red flags lol.
I hate ghosting, of all kinds, so much. Also, what is it about having your feet (at minimum) under covers that keeps you safe? I can be totally covered up everywhere else but if my feet are exposed I'm certain dark forces can get me if they so wish.
yes, best to wear socks!
Don't kid yourself. Socks only give the illusion of safety. You really want to stick with sheets and blankets.
oh for sure, it's extra security. Even if it's a million degrees, there always must be sheets.
Sheets over feets is pretty much the securist thing I know in this world.
P.S. Ghosting is just weak. It's what weak people do.
so pathetic.
I love James Randi's "One Million Dollar Paranormal Challenge":
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/One_Million_Dollar_Paranormal_Challenge
oooh neat. well that says a lot!
I am one of those few that saw Ghosted ;). And I really resonated with this sentence “so the few civilized people still left standing can resume playing nicely by the rules of polite society”. Ghosting, icing, love bombing, gaslighting .. I can’t say how much these behaviors dishearten me at times as I think about the current state of our society. I always closed out things even after one date. It is a matter of respect and integrity to me. There are good people out there. I found one and I hope you will as well.
P.S. Esther Perel and anxious attachment style. You would fit right in at our house. We talk about Esther and attachment styles and impacts on relationships all the time.
I'm coming for dinner ;)
You would be welcome ;) Kristi and I actually met through a matchmaker when she got tired of all the app dating
And she should write about this!
She should because I am the engineer and she is the journalist in our family. She could do a much better job :)
Oh that is fascinating and I’m inspired since you guys are obviously such a good fit. I’m so curious how that works - she hired matchmaker but how does matchmaker found you?
I had always used dating services because I didn’t have the time for all the stuff/BS that goes along with using the apps. I had a lot of success with Its Just Lunch. I had also used the matchmaker in the past so she knew who I was. When Kristi got tired of all hassles, poor matches, transitory relationships of the app world, she “threw her intentions” to the world as she puts it to look for a serious relationship and a life partner by hiring the same matchmaker that I had used previoulsy. Coincidentally, I had reached out to the matchmaker about a week or two before. We met on the day the world changed as I put it - March 12, when all of us were getting notice to work from home at the beginning of Covid.
From the very beginning it was a deep relationship expedited by the fact that we couldn’t do anything but go on long walks and really get to know each other without all the normal distractions of life. Very early on, I told Kristi about my experience dating that many women my age were very cautious and always had one foot out of the circle looking to bolt. I understood that completely because so many of the women I knew and had dated all had similar stories of disappointment with their relationships and the behaviors of them men they dated.
Nonetheless, I was never deterred. I knew exactly what I wanted and so did Krisiti. Very early on in our relationship on a hike, I drew an imaginary circle around us, took her hands and told her that I needed her hand o have both feet in the circle or it wouldn’t work out. She thought I meant right then - perhaps a month or two into our relationship - but I meant at the appropriate time. She told me later that she gulped a little and decided to go all in. The rest is history.
Beautiful story and beautifully told! You might have me considering this…
Ahhh so well explained and I loved the Esther Perel video. I hadn’t heard of those other terms. None of them are good, but it makes sense that they exist in this day and age of rapid fire intimacy and the ability to control it with a few words, or, no words at all. I’m sorry you went through this, but I love and admire your open heart. Just keep your glasses on for those early pesky red flags lol.
clear glasses! (I do need to start using my readers ;)
Esther is the best!