Brats

"I want the world | I want the whole world"

Mar 28, 2026

I CAN DO WHATEVER I WANT

It’s nothing you haven’t heard before: our President is a spoiled brat.

But what stunned me the other day in one of those paralysis-inducing moments in front of my old-timey kitchen radio when I have to stop whatever I’m doing to gird myself for the dissonance of his voice again, that this is indeed real life—was the way Trump applies the same language for how he can get whatever he wants, whether he’s talking about, say, a sexy lady, or a whole nation of Cuba.

Let’s listen:

Trump says of Cuba, just days ago from the Oval Office: “I do believe I’ll have the honor of taking Cuba. Taking Cuba in some form, yeah, taking Cuba. I mean whether I free it, take it, I think I can do whatever I want with it, you wanna know the truth. They are a very weakened nation right now, they were for a long time.”

He can do whatever he wants with Cuba. If this doesn’t sound a little sexual (rapey) or spoiled (rancid) and remind you of the time he said that about tariffs, or the time he said that about sending troops into US cities, or the time before that when he said that about shooting someone in the middle of Manhattan’s Fifth Avenue during his campaign, or sigh, the most terrible time forever burned my brain (the time that mattered least when it should have mattered most), when he said that about a beautiful woman/any beautiful woman whose mere proximity triggers his unedited kissing and groping—well if you don’t remember all that cocky childish crap, here you go:

Feb. 20, 2026, on tariffs: “I can destroy the trade, I can destroy the country. I’m even allowed to impose a country-destroying embargo. I can embargo. I can do anything I want, but I can’t charge $1… I can do anything I want to do to them, but I can’t charge any money. So I’m allowed to destroy the country but I can’t charge them a little fee.”
August 2025, on sending troops into major cities: “So the line is that I’m a dictator but I stop crime. So a lot people say you know, if that’s the case I’d rather have a dictator. But I’m not a dictator…I just know how to stop crime. Not that I don’t have the right to do whatever I want to do, I’m the President of the United States. If I think our country’s in danger, and it is in danger in those cities, I can do it. Most people say…if he stops crime, he can be whatever he wants.”
Jan 2016, on murdering that doesn’t matter: “I could stand in the middle of 5th Avenue and shoot somebody and I wouldn’t lose voters,” Trump said at a campaign rally.
2005, hot mic from the infamous and inconsequential Access Hollywood bus: “I better use some Tic Tacs just in case I start kissing her. You know I’m automatically attracted to beautiful — I just start kissing them. It’s like a magnet. Just kiss. I don’t even wait. And when you’re a star, they let you do it. You can do anything. Grab them by the p****. You can do anything.”

“Doing anything” may include the following claims, as recounted by CBS News way back in Oct 2016, when there was much more to come:

But at least three women have now come forward to contest that dismissal, telling news organizations he groped them in personal encounters at his home, at Trump Tower in New York, and on a commercial flight. Trump’s campaign said late Wednesday that it would file a lawsuit against the New York Times over a story published by the paper earlier that day, with the accounts of two of the women.
Also Wednesday, People magazine published an account by one of its reporters who recalled Trump “pushing me against the wall, and forcing his tongue down my throat” during an interview session at his Mar-a-Lago home. The alleged attack, according to reporter Natasha Stoynoff, came as Trump’s wife Melania, who was then pregnant, changed into a different outfit in another room before they continued their joint interview. The encounter was in 2005, the same year the now-infamous encounter with Billy Bush was recorded, according to Stoynoff.
Meanwhile, a former beauty queen is confirming Donald Trump’s own words about walking into pageant dressing rooms unannounced, following recently resurfaced audio recordings where Trump boasted about his ability to do so as the owner of the Miss USA pageant.
Tasha Dixon, who competed as Miss Arizona in 2001, told CBS’ Los Angeles station that the GOP nominee had entered dressing rooms while her fellow contestants were “half naked.”
“Our first introduction to him was when we were at the dress rehearsal and half naked changing into our bikinis,” Dixon said in an interview with KCAL 9. “He just came strolling right in. There was no second to put a robe on or any sort of clothing or anything. Some girls were topless. Other girls were naked.”
In audio from Howard Stern’s radio show in 2005, Trump could be heard discussing how he would use his position of power in the pageants to peek at women while they were undressed.
“I’ll go backstage before a show and everyone’s getting dressed and ready and everything else. And you know, no men are anywhere. And I’m allowed to go in because I’m the owner of the pageant. And therefore, I’m inspecting it. You know I’m inspecting it. I want to make sure everything is good,” Trump told Stern at the time. “You know they’re standing there with no clothes. Is everybody OK? And you see these incredible looking women. And so I sort of get away with things like that.”

“Doing anything” can include the unlimited creepy comments about how Trump would love to date young girls (now or soon), including his daughter:

1992 Escalator Incident: In a 1992 Entertainment Tonight video shot at Trump Tower, Trump is heard talking to a group of young girls on an escalator. He asked one girl if she was going to “ride the escalator” and then said to the camera, “I am going to be dating her in 10 years. Can you believe it?”
14-Year-Old Girls: In another 1992 incident reported by the Chicago Tribune, Trump asked two girls at a youth choir event how old they were. Upon learning they were 14, then-46-year-old Trump replied, “Wow! Just think—in a couple of years, I’ll be dating you.”
On Stern, in a 2006 interview, when asked by Stern if he could be “banging 24-year-olds,” Trump replied, “Oh, absolutely,” and “I’d have no problem.” When pressed on his age limit, Trump said he didn’t want to be “a braggart” but later joked that he wouldn’t go as young as 12, citing a desire not to be like disgraced Congressman Mark Foley.
Again on Stern, in 2004, Trump allowed Stern to refer to his daughter, Ivanka, as a “piece of ass.” He also told Stern in 2006 that she was “always been very voluptuous” and that she had “the best body.”
“The View” (2006): While appearing on the ABC talk show with his daughter, Trump said, “If Ivanka weren’t my daughter, perhaps I’d be dating her.” He added, “Isn’t that terrible? How terrible? Is that terrible?” while the audience and hosts laughed.
Rolling Stone Interview (2015): In an interview with Paul Solataroff, Trump commented on his daughter’s beauty, stating, “Yeah, she’s really something, and what a beauty, that one. If I weren’t happily married and, ya know, her father...”

I WANT IT NOW

You know who else is a spoiled brat? Veruca Salt, of course, who doesn’t want to date a child but is actually a child. So it might be slightly more expected that a rich little girl might lack manners and be excessively demanding. But nonetheless, Willy’s having none of it, and promptly (after her song of course) sends her down the chute.

Willy: She was a bad egg.

Dad: Where did she go?

W: Where all the other bad eggs go. Down the garbage chute.

D: Down the garbage chute, ha. Where does it lead to?

W: To the furnace.

D: The furnace, ha! She’ll be sizzled like a sausage!

W: Well not necessarily, she could be stuck, just inside the tube.

D: Inside the—hold on, Veruca, sweety pie, Daddy’s comminngg!

And the song lyrics:

[Part I]

[Intro: Veruca Salt]
I want a golden goose
Gooses, geeses
I want my geese to lay gold eggs for Easter (It will sweetheart)
At least a hundred a day (Anything you say)
And by the way (What?)

[Verse 1: Veruca Salt]
I want a feast (You ate before you came to the factory)
I want a bean feast (What are those?)
Cream buns and doughnuts
And fruitcake with no nuts
So good you could go nuts (You can have all those things when you get home)
No, now
I want a ball

[Verse 2: Veruca Salt]
I want a party
Pink macaroons and a million balloons
And performing baboons and give it to me
Now!

[Verse 3: Veruca Salt]
I want the world
I want the whole world
I want to lock it all up in my pocket
It’s my bar of chocolate
Give it to me now

[Verse 4: Veruca Salt]
I want today
I want tomorrow
I want to wear ‘em like braids in my hair
And I don’t want to share ‘em!

[Verse 5: Veruca Salt]
I want a party with roomfuls of laughter
Ten thousand tons of ice cream
And if I don’t get the things I am after
I’m going to scream

[Verse 6: Veruca Salt]
I want the works
I want the whole works
Presents and prizes
And sweets and surprises
Of all shapes and sizes

[Outro: Veruca Salt]
And now
Don’t care how, I want it now
Don’t care how, I want it now

[Part II]

[Intro: Oompa Loompa Cast]
Oompa-loompa-doompety-doo
I’ve got another puzzle for you
Oompa-loompa-doompety-dee
If you are wise you’ll listen to me

[Verse: Oompa Loompa Cast]
Who do you blame when your kid is a brat?
Pampered and spoiled like a Siamese cat
Blaming the kids is a lie and a shame
You know exactly who’s to blame
The mother and the father

[Outro: Oompa Loompa Cast]
Oompa-loompa-doompety-da
If you’re not spoiled then you will go far
You will live in happiness too
Like the Oompa Loompa doompety-do

I AIN’T EATING NOTHING UNTIL I EAT ME SOME MEAT

I overhead someone say that one day. As I walked down the city street. And he talked into his cell phone as if no one else existed in his midst. People are funny, I thought in that moment, and never forgot that line.

Does “brat” have anything to do with “sausage” like in a German bratwurst sort of way?

Unlike how it may sound and feel—and alluded to above when Veruca may descend the tube to be “sizzled to a sausage” in the furnace, “spoiled brat” does not derive from that brat. The two are found to be etymologically (if not psychologically) unrelated.

According to Etymonline:

brat(n.)

c. 1400, “a cloak of coarse cloth” (Chaucer); probably the same word as Old English bratt “cloak,” which is from a Celtic source (compare Old Irish bratt “cloak, cloth”).
As a term for a child, William Dunbar’s Flyting (c. 1500) is usually cited as first use; but Dictionaries of the Scots Language questions whether Dunbar’s use means “child” or “garment.” The child sense is clearly attested by 1530s. The transferred meaning is perhaps from the notion of “child’s apron,” but also compare bastard, “child conceived on a saddle instead of a bed.” OED notes that “evidence of the transition of sense has not been found.” In earliest uses the implication is of an unwanted or unplanned child rather than a reference to behavior; differing from a bastard in that a married couple might have a brat. From the association of brats belonging to low-class people evolved the sense “uncouth, ill-mannered child” by 1808. Used of adults thought to have childishly selfish or rude manners by 1968.

Resolving that a brat might be an unwanted child and not derived from the tube meat (a usage that only dates back to 1911), doesn’t change the sense that this ill-mannered child is not fit for human consumption. She doesn’t belong in a chocolate factory with her golden ticket. He doesn’t belong in the White House where every surface is starting to look like he covered it in the shiny discarded foils of devoured sweets.

Wouldn’t the Wonka soundtrack make great outtro music for our pouty, demanding Chief? And Veruca Salt’s demise the best possible exit?

What would Willy do? What would you?

Today I march—twice—for the third No Kings Day. Join an Indivisible event near you and say a loud resounding Nope to this wurst of brats.

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