Introvert's Outreach: Krista Steele
The 10-Questionnaire for Inward-Bound Creatives
Time for another off-schedule, bonus round of Introvert’s Outreach, where I toss 10 questions at the next inward-bound creative who’s willing to play along. See the others so far in the series here, and, subscribers: stay tuned for my regular weekly post this weekend.
Now I happily welcome Krista Steele, who, while sharing my first name, also might hide behind a book in public like I do:
Krista Steele is a therapist, writer and homemaker based in Columbus, Ohio where she lives with her husband, Jeff and their children. She never leaves the house without a book and always adds a bouquet of flowers to her Trader Joe’s cart. If Krista had a rule of life it would be Mary Oliver’s words: “Pay attention. Be astonished. Tell about it.” You can subscribe to her Substack and Ohio residents looking for a therapist can schedule an appointment with her.
INTROVERT’S OUTREACH: KRISTA STEELE
How do you personally define “introvert”?
I want to hang out with you. Until I don’t anymore. Then I want to hide in my room for an undetermined amount of time.
How does being an introvert manifest itself in your life, and to what degree?
Being an introvert is one aspect of what makes me a little odd. I think I mostly just put my introvertedness in the bin I use to hold all the aspects of my weirdness. It gets to hang out with melancholy and wistfulness and spontaneous fits of dancing and an impulsive desire to try new hobbies and crying over fictional characters and losing focus because I’m thinking about an essay idea or a meal I want to make.
When did you first become aware that you’re an introvert?
Looking back at my childhood, it’s so obvious, but I think at the time I just felt odd. I wanted so badly to fit in and when I’m tempted to think “If only someone had told me, I could have skipped all that”, I immediately call bullshit because what middle schooler listens to any idea that isn’t their own? And what middle schooler felt like they belonged, regardless of their personality? By high school I started to find my way and could access some of that childlike contentment again. I didn’t need to be invited to everything, didn’t need to be everyone’s friend. I think that’s when I was first really aware that I was an introvert and embraced that piece of my identity, could really meet those needs and desires for naps and quiet and space that just seemed essential and good in childhood. There have been seasons of really living into my weirdness and seasons of trying to deny it and those seasons ultimately result in me feeling disconnected from myself in dangerous ways.
Do you take pride in your introverted status and/or is it something you struggle with?
It’s so weird to want everything all at once. I want to have a deep conversation about how we’re all going to die someday and how precious each moment is and I also want to bury myself under blankets and listen to all the angsty melancholic music I can get my hands on and I want to have all my friends over for a dinner party but I absolutely do not want to leave the house. You know? So yeah, I do take pride in being an introvert but it’s kind of like taking pride in your kid’s artwork. You’re proud of them even if their Santa hat looks like a penis.
How does being an introvert affect your relationships and social choices?
I’m trying to let my energy and needs guide my social choices. Sometimes I’m exhausted but haven’t had a conversation with anyone over the age of four in a week. I’m craving rest and connection. Then I ask how I can make that happen and it’s usually one on one time with a good friend or getting together with a small group of neighbors. Sometimes I’m just completely overstimulated and strung out on adrenaline and dopamine and I need to be alone with my thoughts in the woods. Or I need to take a hot bath and watch a comfort movie. The older I get, the more I’ve opened myself to the need for all of it and I try not to overthink it. I try to just give myself what I need in the moment the way you would a beloved child.
How does being an introvert impact and inform your creative life?
Left to my own devices I get stuck in my head. My friend Tabitha calls it the wet sponge feeling. Like I’m so full of ideas and feelings and information that I just feel weighed down and I need to wring myself out. I’m in a Voxer group with five other women from around the country all parenting young children and all devoted to living a creative life in our own unique ways. They’ve been a gift to my creativity. I can just ramble for fifteen straight minutes and at the end of it feel like I can move forward and all of them get it. I think there’s a big temptation to create in isolation as an introvert but finding a small group of people to create alongside is so valuable and it’s out there. It’s worth looking for until you find it.
Do you think you’re a creative person to begin with, or a more effective one, because of your introversion?
I actually think that, unchecked, my introversion can be detrimental to my creativity for all the reasons above. When I’m nourishing my whole self, I think my introversion serves my creativity because I don’t fear how loud my mind is in the quiet the way others do. I’m afraid of basically everything else but I enjoy spending time with myself and that’s an essential piece of my creative life.
How do you navigate self-promotion as an introvert?
Avoid it until I can’t, do it badly, feel like a super awkward used car sales woman, hide in a hole and stop making things at all, get an idea, start making things again, repeat. I do think I’m very slowly getting better at it but I hate it so much.
How do you strike a balance between requiring solitude/retreat to be creative and the desire to engage with the world that might inspire your creativity?
Hospitality is a core value of mine and we regularly have friends and family over. Feeding people is an essential creative practice for me. Yesterday some neighbors walked down the street and brought a plate of cookies and all the kids ran around the house. It was freezing outside and everyone was out of school and climbing the walls, so we all just did it together. Those types of last minute gatherings are exactly my jam. Last year I went to Chicago for a creative retreat with Exhale, a group for creative mothers and it was so good for me and also so hard for me. Honestly, I think it was hard for a lot of us. There was a lot of that awkward getting to know you stuff that I absolutely hate but also, it was incredible how our relationships blossomed over the course of the weekend and now these are all women who are real to me, not just headshots and bios. They’re my friends.
For me, it can be so easy to neglect my need for connection in my pursuit of solitude. I see it as a dance and when I feel off in my creativity I try to notice what needs tending which is usually more time with people I love.
Does your introversion ever get embedded as an actual theme or message in your creative output?
So much of my writing is about noticing, being attentive and present to the world around us and the people in it. I think this is one of those unique skills of the introvert, to sink below the noise of the surface into the quiet below and my hope is that my writing is an invitation into that space. I don’t talk much about introversion as a topic or theme, but my introversion absolutely colors my perspective.
I relate to all of this so much and appreciate Krista’s humor and complexity of thought on her introversion. Here’s to new concepts like introvert pride, Santa hats that resemble penises, and wet sponges. So much here to soak in, thank you!
Want to do my questionnaire? Please reach out to krista@sleepyhollowink.com. I also welcome fresh question ideas and other ideal candidates.
I think my own high school time mirrored this. In retrospect, it's completely obvious that I was an introverted kid, but I grew up in an insanely extroverted world, and felt like I didn't really fit in largely because of that (but not exclusively! The world is jacked beyond just that).
Loved this line. “It gets to hang out with melancholy and wistfulness and spontaneous fits of dancing and an impulsive desire to try new hobbies and crying over fictional characters”. Nice interview.