Thanks for this piece! In my own case it couldn't be more timely as I am currently wrestling with 2 medium largeish questions. Basically: should I or should I not? After reading this piece they are both going to be big yes! And as an ex Christian and proud atheist now I see no hope in trusting to ancient fiction to comfort and guide me. Let's do this thing! I love this plan:)
That is a crazy series of unfortunate events, reminds me of the beginning of the movie Magnolia, if you've ever seen it. So sorry to hear it for your friend. Admittedly, the regret topic always reminds me of how easy it is to say a lot of that once you've lived your life and don't feel the threat of the risk of losing life by making a bad decision. Why not take the risk since you're on your deathbed already? When you aren't so sure you'll make it if you make those decisions, it can be a bit harder. Nevertheless, perspective worth wrestling with for a bit to know where you fall.
So true. I think we all can only do our best given our circumstances and shouldn't be so hard on ourselves, but easier said than done. I don't spend any time in regret personally since everything in the past leads me here now, a place I like! I was thinking of Magnolia as I wrote this actually and forgot to mention! So very much full of death bed regrets, what a rich movie. I had to look up now what the old man was screaming - "The goddamn regret. The goddamn regret!"
Was your father in the military during wartime? My father was, and man he fought it in hospice. Like yours, was frustrated, kept thinking he should be and could be doing things he couldn't. He was sundowning, gripping the bars, burning through the Atavin and morphine. It was rough, but he was gone in 16 days. My head nurse was a vet and he told me that soldiers who experience combat (mine fixed airplanes when they flew into the base all shot up) did not give up the ghost easily.
It’s hard to witness their struggle. I’m sorry you faced that. My dad served but between wars so avoided any combat. So I’m not sure what his problem was besides believing he was too great to have to go!
All of this. And of course here in the no-safety-net United States, the risk of "not working 'too' hard" and "being true to oneself" can be mortal ones.
Which does two things: keeps people from doing the things that would lead to a more rewarding and satisfying life and ensures that those regrets will remain all-too-common.
I would love to know how this differs in countries with safety nets.
Oh interesting future topic for me to explore - I would assume based on their “happiness” ratings that the socialist democracies have much fewer death bed regrets too. We just really don’t know to do “human” right here in the US in life or death.
Love this but also I can’t believe your friend’s winter accident 😱
So crazy
Thanks for this piece! In my own case it couldn't be more timely as I am currently wrestling with 2 medium largeish questions. Basically: should I or should I not? After reading this piece they are both going to be big yes! And as an ex Christian and proud atheist now I see no hope in trusting to ancient fiction to comfort and guide me. Let's do this thing! I love this plan:)
Yay to the yes!!
That is a crazy series of unfortunate events, reminds me of the beginning of the movie Magnolia, if you've ever seen it. So sorry to hear it for your friend. Admittedly, the regret topic always reminds me of how easy it is to say a lot of that once you've lived your life and don't feel the threat of the risk of losing life by making a bad decision. Why not take the risk since you're on your deathbed already? When you aren't so sure you'll make it if you make those decisions, it can be a bit harder. Nevertheless, perspective worth wrestling with for a bit to know where you fall.
So true. I think we all can only do our best given our circumstances and shouldn't be so hard on ourselves, but easier said than done. I don't spend any time in regret personally since everything in the past leads me here now, a place I like! I was thinking of Magnolia as I wrote this actually and forgot to mention! So very much full of death bed regrets, what a rich movie. I had to look up now what the old man was screaming - "The goddamn regret. The goddamn regret!"
Was your father in the military during wartime? My father was, and man he fought it in hospice. Like yours, was frustrated, kept thinking he should be and could be doing things he couldn't. He was sundowning, gripping the bars, burning through the Atavin and morphine. It was rough, but he was gone in 16 days. My head nurse was a vet and he told me that soldiers who experience combat (mine fixed airplanes when they flew into the base all shot up) did not give up the ghost easily.
It’s hard to witness their struggle. I’m sorry you faced that. My dad served but between wars so avoided any combat. So I’m not sure what his problem was besides believing he was too great to have to go!
All of this. And of course here in the no-safety-net United States, the risk of "not working 'too' hard" and "being true to oneself" can be mortal ones.
Which does two things: keeps people from doing the things that would lead to a more rewarding and satisfying life and ensures that those regrets will remain all-too-common.
I would love to know how this differs in countries with safety nets.
Thanks for this, KM.
Oh interesting future topic for me to explore - I would assume based on their “happiness” ratings that the socialist democracies have much fewer death bed regrets too. We just really don’t know to do “human” right here in the US in life or death.
Hospice care nurses confirm your findings.
Better to live one day as a Cat, than one hundred years as a dog.
Well done
Precisely why I am trying to get a few modest ambitions achieved before I shuffle off this mortal coil .... I've done most of them.
"this mortal coil" is one of my favorite ways to put that. Thanks for reminding me! Now get to work - and play!